Excuses!

She was the girl everybody wanted to be around, the girls who you could trust with your life. From the first moment you met her you were hooked of that’s what they told her. She never truly believed it. She knew that she had no problem socialising and making friends and she always wore here heart on her sleeve. She was an open book to anyone who cared to listen. She believed that the connection she had built with people would survive the years and weather whatever came her way. She always trusted people even id she had just met them for the first time. She took everyone at face value and loved people like she had never been hurt before. She spent most of her life surrounding herself with people she could relate to, laugh with, and cry with. People who she believed would stand by her regardless of her choices in life. She was happy in her circles and had a tendency to see the glass as half full. That’s why when she found herself wandering across oceans, like so many of her kin before her, she believed that her friendships would survive. They all said they would keep in touch and that she would never become that girl that they once knew. She believed with all her heart that their words were true and then the distance, the lies, the excuses started. It was something so small at first, a simple message, something she would have taken in good faith, but when it happened again, she realised the pattern. It started with the “oh my battery died” or “the internet is broken”. Then it turned into “I’ve been so busy, I meant to contact you sooner”. Days without contact turned into weeks and then into months and before long she had become that which she so feared, nothing more than a name in their minds that they struggled to put a face to. She always knew there would a small few who she would never hear from again, that was to be expected. But those who she held dear to her heart, after all the promises. Now they seemed like distant empty words. Words that gave her comfort as she boarded the plane. To see an excuse now appearing before her very eyes was like a steel bar, thrusting with great force through her chest and straight through her heart. It was as though the words were stealing her life source, but at the same time it angered her. What a fool she was for believing that she would not be replaced within a matter of weeks. The sad thing about her was that despite the betrayal she would continue to trust people explicitly. She never truly learned her lesson when she got burned. To her being bitter, cold, twisted and closed to love was to close yourself off from the joy contained in the world. To always be suspicious of people’s intentions to her meant to lead a lonely existence. She would mourn the broken promises, deal with her anguish and before long would pick herself up, dust herself off and be ready to form new friendships and relationships, full of love. Yes she may end up burning in the fire once again but she was always ready for the next installment. The next circle that she could lavish her affections on. She welcomed new love and heartache with a smile and open arms. For all that she loved unconditionally, whenever she arrived to the conclusions that those she loved had moved on, she like a wolf when crossed, would happily sever the bonds no matter how much it broke her heart. When she loved a person, it was with her entire being and when that person tired of her, she fought tooth and nail to stop the inevitable breakdown to the point of exhaustion and acceptance. When she eventually gave up the fight, it was always on her terms and it became a difficult task to regain her trust. Loving and trusting like she had never been hurt but there is only so much one person can take before the inevitable mental collapse and severing of those who become poisonous to her well being.